It's 2013!
I havent posted in what seems like forever- isn't it amazing how we can get caught up in our own daily BS that we forget to let our soul breathe from time to time?
It's a new year- yet again and this time I haven't made myself any outward promises that I won't keep- other than striving to be happy- that is just something that is-it's ongoing and it's life as I know it.
Had a wonderful christmas holiday- it was busy- but I got to see all kinds of family and friends- including my dad, which made him endlessly happy. It did me as well, just hard to leave and know that he will never be anywhere different- just stuck in his home with his routines and the ideas that he's going to be on his own again, that makes me sad in my heart- but I know it is what it is.
I am thankful that I have a job that I come to everyday, and a husband to go home to at night, minus the struggles- those I could do without- but in everyones life, there is always something going on that pushes us to be stronger and motivates us to live everyday.
I am going to be 32 this year- sometimes I think that I would have never mader it this far, and other times I just let it go- I feel so old sometimes when I really dwell on things- such as the fact that I don't have children of my own, or that we don't own a house yet- and that gets me down- other times I couldn't be happier to know that the things I do have, I have worked hard for and it makes me realize things could be vastly different.
I suppose I am just feeling reflective- the random things that bounce through my mind on a daily basis need to come out somehow- blah!
One thing I hope to accomplish over this next year is to remember to let my soul breathe more often, and to change little by little- Rome wasn't built in a day- people don't learn to do different overnight either!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Monday, November 5, 2012
It's been a while...
Gee- I seem to have forgotten that I have a place that I can let my sh*t out-
So last week was rough- and that is to say the least..
Anna Dominguez ( hubby's g-ma) has gone home to the beautiful fancy place ( this is how she described things before she left us) with the beautiful dresses and good food, and lots of people.
She was a neat lady- I am thankful that I was able to know her for a short time and love her as much as I did- and knowing that she loved me too was a gift. She was a hell of a lady- she made me laugh, always had nice things to say about me and she was quite amusing at times too. I am sad though that I didn't get to hear more of her stories from when she was young and still lived in Germany. I can only imagine the things that she lived through as a child and young adult- all the changes to the world that she saw- both good and bad and the love that she shared with her husband.
She beat breast cancer, lost her only child and lived until she was 84 years old! That's a good long run, and she had Arturo by her side, and the love of her 4 grandson's and their wives and children to enrich her life.
I had a dream about her the morning she passed- it was so strange- she was sitting next to me in a hospital bed in a strange house- there was a couch across the room with a baby on it ( who strangely enough looked like a family friend) a piano with 2 black kittens playing a song- a movie poster that kept changing- first one was Les Miserable' and outside on the patio looking out to the horizon was a young man waiting to take her home-
The paramedics managed to get a heart beat on her after working so hard- it gave the boys and g-pa time to say good bye- let us all deal with the idea of her actually being gone- without the life support she fully went home to rest about ten thirty in the evening-
Again- I was having another strange dream about her before I found out-
This time we were speaking in German together and I understood everything she was telling me- the last thing I told her was to go with love and peace- then hubby called and told me it was over.
I am sad in my heart for the loss- yet relieved because she isn't hurting any longer- she was certainly loved and cared for the entire way- and she was home with the love of her life- just the way that it should be- comfortable and quiet.
So last week was rough- and that is to say the least..
Anna Dominguez ( hubby's g-ma) has gone home to the beautiful fancy place ( this is how she described things before she left us) with the beautiful dresses and good food, and lots of people.
She was a neat lady- I am thankful that I was able to know her for a short time and love her as much as I did- and knowing that she loved me too was a gift. She was a hell of a lady- she made me laugh, always had nice things to say about me and she was quite amusing at times too. I am sad though that I didn't get to hear more of her stories from when she was young and still lived in Germany. I can only imagine the things that she lived through as a child and young adult- all the changes to the world that she saw- both good and bad and the love that she shared with her husband.
She beat breast cancer, lost her only child and lived until she was 84 years old! That's a good long run, and she had Arturo by her side, and the love of her 4 grandson's and their wives and children to enrich her life.
I had a dream about her the morning she passed- it was so strange- she was sitting next to me in a hospital bed in a strange house- there was a couch across the room with a baby on it ( who strangely enough looked like a family friend) a piano with 2 black kittens playing a song- a movie poster that kept changing- first one was Les Miserable' and outside on the patio looking out to the horizon was a young man waiting to take her home-
The paramedics managed to get a heart beat on her after working so hard- it gave the boys and g-pa time to say good bye- let us all deal with the idea of her actually being gone- without the life support she fully went home to rest about ten thirty in the evening-
Again- I was having another strange dream about her before I found out-
This time we were speaking in German together and I understood everything she was telling me- the last thing I told her was to go with love and peace- then hubby called and told me it was over.
I am sad in my heart for the loss- yet relieved because she isn't hurting any longer- she was certainly loved and cared for the entire way- and she was home with the love of her life- just the way that it should be- comfortable and quiet.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Episode 1....
YUCK!
My weekend wasn't the best iv'e had for a while- I had a shitty ass headache and my hubby's g-ma is in the hospital!
UGH-
So thankfull G-Ma is okay- it wasn't a stroke ( thank god ) that they previously thought it might have been- just a nasty infection ala sepsis and pnuemonia. A truck load of antibiotics and some blood transfusions and she's on the way back to better. This lady is really a trooper! She's neat to talk to, and always good for a laugh here and there... CAPTAIN! o.0- ( really folks- you had to be there for that one )
My body is stupid- ( hey now Laurel, be nice to yourself ) but really it is! I've had migraine for about 3 days now- and the week previous it lasted about 3 days.. I am starting to think they never really go away, just hide untill stress appears or I eat something that tastes good. Sometimes my frusteration takes over and turns me into the wicked BITCH of the west.. I feel bad for my loved ones, cause when I am on the emotional roller coaster- they come along for the ride ( even if they don't want to! )
I am going to give these wonderful new meds a chance- one is an anti depressent- supposed to do a double duty to help curb the instance of migraine attacks and episodes- and the other is to help regulate the blood sugar issues I have been going through. I am very hopeful that this will give me some kind of help, im so tired of being SICK and TIRED all the time- I really have no life- I am controled by headaches and worry. That really is no way to live...
So that's where I am at- kinda shakey from all the medicine and hanging in- I do however have a 3 day weekend coming up! YAY for time off!!!
That's all for now-
Enjoy!
My weekend wasn't the best iv'e had for a while- I had a shitty ass headache and my hubby's g-ma is in the hospital!
UGH-
So thankfull G-Ma is okay- it wasn't a stroke ( thank god ) that they previously thought it might have been- just a nasty infection ala sepsis and pnuemonia. A truck load of antibiotics and some blood transfusions and she's on the way back to better. This lady is really a trooper! She's neat to talk to, and always good for a laugh here and there... CAPTAIN! o.0- ( really folks- you had to be there for that one )
My body is stupid- ( hey now Laurel, be nice to yourself ) but really it is! I've had migraine for about 3 days now- and the week previous it lasted about 3 days.. I am starting to think they never really go away, just hide untill stress appears or I eat something that tastes good. Sometimes my frusteration takes over and turns me into the wicked BITCH of the west.. I feel bad for my loved ones, cause when I am on the emotional roller coaster- they come along for the ride ( even if they don't want to! )
I am going to give these wonderful new meds a chance- one is an anti depressent- supposed to do a double duty to help curb the instance of migraine attacks and episodes- and the other is to help regulate the blood sugar issues I have been going through. I am very hopeful that this will give me some kind of help, im so tired of being SICK and TIRED all the time- I really have no life- I am controled by headaches and worry. That really is no way to live...
So that's where I am at- kinda shakey from all the medicine and hanging in- I do however have a 3 day weekend coming up! YAY for time off!!!
That's all for now-
Enjoy!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I donated to the vampires
HAHAH-
That does sound quite amusing doesn't it?
Well, I had a bunch of blood work done yesterday, and I understand none of it really. I know that by looking at the A1C stuff, that I am borderline diabetic, and that's kinda scary and sad. I knew of that last year, but the doctor I was seeing didn't seem to think it was going to become an issue or problem. I think that it really might have something to do with why I feel like SH*T all the time- but what do I know, im just a person without medical training.
It's frusterating- all the way around because I don't know anything, I just have to wait and ask questions and hope for the best situation possible.
It's no secret that I struggle with my weight, and I know that this has something to do with it- I have tried soooo many different things, with little to no success- so I just get fed up and give up. Though I do wonder if I have gluten intolerence as well as glucose intollerance- Hmm... I am just going to have to ask questions!
I know this information isn't nearly as exciting as my more spastic posts- I am just feeling reflective today about things-BLECK
That does sound quite amusing doesn't it?
Well, I had a bunch of blood work done yesterday, and I understand none of it really. I know that by looking at the A1C stuff, that I am borderline diabetic, and that's kinda scary and sad. I knew of that last year, but the doctor I was seeing didn't seem to think it was going to become an issue or problem. I think that it really might have something to do with why I feel like SH*T all the time- but what do I know, im just a person without medical training.
It's frusterating- all the way around because I don't know anything, I just have to wait and ask questions and hope for the best situation possible.
It's no secret that I struggle with my weight, and I know that this has something to do with it- I have tried soooo many different things, with little to no success- so I just get fed up and give up. Though I do wonder if I have gluten intolerence as well as glucose intollerance- Hmm... I am just going to have to ask questions!
I know this information isn't nearly as exciting as my more spastic posts- I am just feeling reflective today about things-BLECK
Friday, September 28, 2012
Today's journey
Ahh- today is Friday again- yay!
So today is where I begin a new journey- I am going to see a new doctor today and I am not going to stop until I get some F*ing answers about my health situation!
I am so over having headaches- OK well not just headaches- MIGRAINES! They are in no way, shape or form normal ( well neither am I really ) but that is beside the point. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired- not to sound so cliche'- but it's the truth. On any given day, I can suffer from an attack- on the outside I don't look like someone who has some kind of debilitating disorder- but I am.
I still am uncomfortable at times saying that I have a "disorder"- that makes it sound as if I need to take medication or that something is severely "off" about me- and to a point I suppose that much is true- it's just weird sometimes.
I am so thankful that I have an understanding, caring, LOVING husband to help me through the really rough patches- I think I'd be lost without him and only half the person I really am. He's patient with me when I don' t feel good and I look like a Picasso painting come to life- often times I cry because it hurts that much, and because it causes emotional output.
Back to the doctor situation- I am seeing a new provider today- and I will continue to seek an individual who will SHUT UP and LISTEN to what is going on with me. Not just give me the brief overview of what they think it is, I want a real, definitive, SOLID answer. I have more than just one question, but ill work up to the rest after I reach a point of solidarity with this.
*sigh*
Sometimes I feel like I am going to lose my mind about all of this crap- going through something and feelinging like you're getting no where fast really does take a toll on a person-I almost feel as though I am a child and everyone just wants to pat me on the head and send me on my way. I am over that too- time for change and certainly time for a REAL answer!
So today is where I begin a new journey- I am going to see a new doctor today and I am not going to stop until I get some F*ing answers about my health situation!
I am so over having headaches- OK well not just headaches- MIGRAINES! They are in no way, shape or form normal ( well neither am I really ) but that is beside the point. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired- not to sound so cliche'- but it's the truth. On any given day, I can suffer from an attack- on the outside I don't look like someone who has some kind of debilitating disorder- but I am.
I still am uncomfortable at times saying that I have a "disorder"- that makes it sound as if I need to take medication or that something is severely "off" about me- and to a point I suppose that much is true- it's just weird sometimes.
I am so thankful that I have an understanding, caring, LOVING husband to help me through the really rough patches- I think I'd be lost without him and only half the person I really am. He's patient with me when I don' t feel good and I look like a Picasso painting come to life- often times I cry because it hurts that much, and because it causes emotional output.
Back to the doctor situation- I am seeing a new provider today- and I will continue to seek an individual who will SHUT UP and LISTEN to what is going on with me. Not just give me the brief overview of what they think it is, I want a real, definitive, SOLID answer. I have more than just one question, but ill work up to the rest after I reach a point of solidarity with this.
*sigh*
Sometimes I feel like I am going to lose my mind about all of this crap- going through something and feelinging like you're getting no where fast really does take a toll on a person-I almost feel as though I am a child and everyone just wants to pat me on the head and send me on my way. I am over that too- time for change and certainly time for a REAL answer!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Stupid Comcast and ATT...
UGH!
I can honestly say that I dislike both of these ridiculous companies!
Comcast can suck it- well.. cause they can! Over priced buncha BS is you ask me- I know they corner the market- but F-them-
ATT can suck it today too- well not entirely their fault- my apartment is old and the wiring is bad so they can't give us the services we need- F-ers! They were even going to install today- oh well, at least we have an antenna to watch NCIS which comes back on today- yippee!
How thrilling for the folks that enjoy my ramblings- today is just frustrated crapola about cable and the likes of all that.
Meh- not everyday can be so exciting I suppose-
I guess I can't type or spell today either ( though you wouldn't have known that until I said something) LOL
The plus side to this day- I got amazing coffee, salted carmel mocha= yumo! Not from my fave Dutch Bro's- this is from starbucks- it'll suffice :) It's got me moving through the day well enough-
Been slow at work- which is most okay actually- I like the days that aren't super grumpy lumpy or insane and it's almost lunch time- yet another thrill and decsion to make- what sounds good for a food? I just know that im hungry and I am also a bit bored
* le sigh* ( cause I am soooo french )
Sure I am!! oui oui!
Ok, that's all for now folks-
I can honestly say that I dislike both of these ridiculous companies!
Comcast can suck it- well.. cause they can! Over priced buncha BS is you ask me- I know they corner the market- but F-them-
ATT can suck it today too- well not entirely their fault- my apartment is old and the wiring is bad so they can't give us the services we need- F-ers! They were even going to install today- oh well, at least we have an antenna to watch NCIS which comes back on today- yippee!
How thrilling for the folks that enjoy my ramblings- today is just frustrated crapola about cable and the likes of all that.
Meh- not everyday can be so exciting I suppose-
I guess I can't type or spell today either ( though you wouldn't have known that until I said something) LOL
The plus side to this day- I got amazing coffee, salted carmel mocha= yumo! Not from my fave Dutch Bro's- this is from starbucks- it'll suffice :) It's got me moving through the day well enough-
Been slow at work- which is most okay actually- I like the days that aren't super grumpy lumpy or insane and it's almost lunch time- yet another thrill and decsion to make- what sounds good for a food? I just know that im hungry and I am also a bit bored
* le sigh* ( cause I am soooo french )
Sure I am!! oui oui!
Ok, that's all for now folks-
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Saturday= being a lazy bum
Mmm, saturday- how I need more of you during the week!
I have been most indulgent so far this weekend- cheesy amazing bagels, coffee, laziness and a matathon of AMC's THE WALKING DEAD- ( thanks husband for getting me into yet another show )
I had a long damn week- I almost think it's as bad to have a slow work week- as having an insane never ending non stop kind of week- just an observation folks-
I don't even want to take a shower- that's how little I care today- but then why should I? I am not going anywhere more than my back patio or over the mail box, so scrungy I will stay, and happy I will be.
I know what I do need today.. A good book to fall into- ( here kindle kindle... ) Why does the time pass so much quicker on a lazy weekend then a crappy workday? Another one of life's unanswered questions...
* Le sigh *
Well the show is back on, and I might just have to heed the call of my bed shortly, and really make this a super bum day!
I have been most indulgent so far this weekend- cheesy amazing bagels, coffee, laziness and a matathon of AMC's THE WALKING DEAD- ( thanks husband for getting me into yet another show )
I had a long damn week- I almost think it's as bad to have a slow work week- as having an insane never ending non stop kind of week- just an observation folks-
I don't even want to take a shower- that's how little I care today- but then why should I? I am not going anywhere more than my back patio or over the mail box, so scrungy I will stay, and happy I will be.
I know what I do need today.. A good book to fall into- ( here kindle kindle... ) Why does the time pass so much quicker on a lazy weekend then a crappy workday? Another one of life's unanswered questions...
* Le sigh *
Well the show is back on, and I might just have to heed the call of my bed shortly, and really make this a super bum day!
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