It's been a while...

Gee- I seem to have forgotten that I have a place that I can let my sh*t out-
So last week was rough- and that is to say the least..

Anna Dominguez ( hubby's g-ma) has gone home to the beautiful fancy place ( this is how she described things before she left us) with the beautiful dresses and good food, and lots of people.
She was a neat lady- I am thankful that I was able to know her for a short time and love her as much as I did- and knowing that she loved me too was a gift. She was a hell of a lady- she made me laugh, always had nice things to say about me and she was quite amusing at times too. I am sad though that I didn't get to hear more of her stories from when she was young and still lived in Germany. I can only imagine the things that she lived through as a child and young adult- all the changes to the world that she saw- both good and bad and the love that she shared with her husband. 
She beat breast cancer, lost her only child and lived until she was 84 years old! That's a good long run, and she had Arturo by her side, and the love of her 4 grandson's and their wives and children to enrich her life.

I had a dream about her the morning she passed- it was so strange- she was sitting next to me in a hospital bed in a strange house- there was a couch across the room with a baby on it ( who strangely enough looked like a family friend) a piano with 2 black kittens playing a song- a movie poster that kept changing- first one was Les Miserable' and outside on the patio looking out to the horizon was a young man waiting to take her home-

The paramedics managed to get a heart beat on her after working so hard- it gave the boys and g-pa time to say good bye- let us all deal with the idea of her actually being gone- without the life support she fully went home to rest about ten thirty in the evening-

Again- I was having another strange dream about her before I found out-

This time we were speaking in German together and I understood everything she was telling me- the last thing I told her was to go with love and peace- then hubby called and told me it was over. 

I am sad in my heart for the loss- yet relieved because she isn't hurting any longer- she was certainly loved and cared for the entire way- and she was home with the love of her life- just the way that it should be- comfortable and quiet.

Episode 1....

YUCK!

My weekend wasn't the best iv'e had for a while- I had a shitty ass headache and my hubby's g-ma is in the hospital!
UGH-
So thankfull G-Ma is okay- it wasn't a stroke ( thank god ) that they previously thought it might have been- just a nasty infection ala sepsis and pnuemonia. A truck load of antibiotics and some blood transfusions and she's on the way back to better. This lady is really a trooper! She's neat to talk to, and always good for a laugh here and there... CAPTAIN! o.0- ( really folks- you had to be there for that one )

My body is stupid- ( hey now Laurel, be nice to yourself ) but really it is! I've had migraine for about 3 days now- and the week previous it lasted about 3 days.. I am starting to think they never really go away, just hide untill stress appears or I eat something that tastes good. Sometimes my frusteration takes over and turns me into the wicked BITCH of the west.. I feel bad for my loved ones, cause when I am on the emotional roller coaster- they come along for the ride ( even if they don't want to! )

I am going to give these wonderful new meds a chance- one is an anti depressent- supposed to do a double duty to help curb the instance of migraine attacks and episodes- and the other is to help regulate the blood sugar issues I have been going through. I am very hopeful that this will give me some kind of help, im so tired of being SICK and TIRED all the time- I really have no life- I am controled by headaches and worry. That really is no way to live...

So that's where I am at- kinda shakey from all the medicine and hanging in- I do however have a 3 day weekend coming up! YAY for time off!!!

That's all for now-
Enjoy!

I donated to the vampires

HAHAH-
That does sound quite amusing doesn't it?

Well, I had a bunch of blood work done yesterday, and I understand none of it really. I know that by looking at the A1C stuff, that I am borderline diabetic, and that's kinda scary and sad. I knew of that last year, but the doctor I was seeing didn't seem to think it was going to become an issue or problem. I think that it really might have something to do with why I feel like SH*T all the time- but what do I know, im just a person without medical training.

It's frusterating- all the way around because I don't know anything, I just have to wait and ask questions and hope for the best situation possible.

It's no secret that I struggle with my weight, and I know that this has something to do with it- I have tried soooo many different things, with little to no success- so I just get fed up and give up. Though I do wonder if I have gluten intolerence as well as glucose intollerance- Hmm... I am just going to have to ask questions!

I know this information isn't nearly as exciting as my more spastic posts- I am just feeling reflective today about things-BLECK

Today's journey

Ahh- today is Friday again- yay!

So today is where I begin a new journey- I am going to see a new doctor today and I am not going to stop until I get some F*ing answers about my health situation!

I am so over having headaches- OK well not just headaches- MIGRAINES! They are in no way, shape or form normal ( well neither am I really ) but that is beside the point. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired- not to sound so cliche'- but it's the truth. On any given day, I can suffer from an attack- on the outside I don't look like someone who has some kind of debilitating disorder- but I am.

I still am uncomfortable at times saying that I have a "disorder"- that makes it sound as if I need to take medication or that something is severely "off" about me- and to a point I suppose that much is true- it's just weird sometimes.

I am so thankful that I have an understanding, caring, LOVING husband to help me through the really rough patches- I think I'd be lost without him and only half the person I really am. He's patient with me when I don' t feel good and I look like a Picasso painting come to life- often times I cry because it hurts that much, and because it causes emotional output.

Back to the doctor situation- I am seeing a new provider today- and I will continue to seek an individual who will SHUT UP and LISTEN to what is going on with me. Not just give me the brief overview of what they think it is, I want a real, definitive, SOLID answer. I have more than just one question, but ill work up to the rest after I reach a point of solidarity with this.

*sigh*

Sometimes I feel like I am going to lose my mind about all of this crap- going through something and feelinging like you're getting no where fast really does take a toll on a person-I almost feel as though I am a child and everyone just wants to pat me on the head and send me on my way. I am over that too- time for change and certainly time for a REAL answer!

Stupid Comcast and ATT...

UGH!

I can honestly say that I dislike both of these ridiculous companies!

Comcast can suck it- well.. cause they can! Over priced buncha BS is you ask me- I know they corner the market- but F-them-

ATT can suck it today too- well not entirely their fault- my apartment is old and the wiring is bad so they can't give us the services we need- F-ers! They were even going to install today- oh well, at least we have an antenna to watch NCIS which comes back on today- yippee!

How thrilling for the folks that enjoy my ramblings- today is just frustrated crapola about cable and the likes of all that.

Meh- not everyday can be so exciting I suppose-

I guess I can't type or spell today either ( though you wouldn't have known that until I said something) LOL

The plus side to this day- I got amazing coffee, salted carmel mocha= yumo! Not from my fave Dutch Bro's- this is from starbucks- it'll suffice :) It's got me moving through the day well enough-

Been slow at work- which is most okay actually- I like the days that aren't super grumpy lumpy or insane and it's almost lunch time- yet another thrill and decsion to make- what sounds good for a food? I just know that im hungry and I am also a bit bored

* le sigh* ( cause I am soooo french )

Sure I am!! oui oui!

Ok, that's all for now folks-

Saturday= being a lazy bum

Mmm, saturday- how I need more of you during the week!

I have been most indulgent so far this weekend- cheesy amazing bagels, coffee, laziness and a matathon of AMC's THE WALKING DEAD- ( thanks husband for getting me into yet another show )

I had a long damn week- I almost think it's as bad to have a slow work week- as having an insane never ending non stop kind of week- just an observation folks-

I don't even want to take a shower- that's how little I care today- but then why should I? I am not going anywhere more than my back patio or over the mail box, so scrungy I will stay, and happy I will be.

I know what I do need today.. A good book to fall into- ( here kindle kindle... ) Why does the time pass so much quicker on a lazy weekend then a crappy workday? Another one of life's unanswered questions...

* Le sigh *

Well the show is back on, and I might just have to heed the call of my bed shortly, and really make this a super bum day!

It's thursday- so that means....

That TOMORROW is friday! Oh, the thrills of my existance!

Yeah ok... onto better and more exciting things-

So after saying yesterday that I hadn't gone in to fully disfuntional mode- I take that back- I did and it sucked a$$- I hung on at work until I could no longer stand to sit in front of my computer ( this is as I can just feel my face dropping to the floor folks) I made the command decsion that it was time to go home and sleep. Well, first take my magical pills, get comfortable and situated- ensure that the fat happy cat is where he needs to be and then... sleep.

I see the strangest things when I am falling asleep however- I need to really try to get these images out onto paper- such as my face- well half of it- and the other half melting off like a Salvador Dali painting- it's really a trip- let me tell you. Yesterday's disturbing images were that of my face and someone trying to remove my right eyeball with a damn spoon- it was gross- not exactly a great mental image right?! Can't help that this is how my brain interprets the random goings on of the "healing" death sleep. It it what it is- so what can I do..

Hmm.. well I can bug the stupid idiots that are medically trained to give me a real answer insted of  YOU'RE  FAT   join the weight watchers and live on air, water and lettuce leaves. Give me a break! Im by no means skinny- or do I weigh 5 lbs- ( not really interested in that extreme ) but GET A CLUE PEOPLE! I am not a doctor- I can find more information on things just by looking on the inter-gooogle and being miserable! Tell me how that is supposed to work? When do doctor's lose thier human touch? This is something I have wondered for a while now- is it because more and more they're trained in thier country of origin, come over to the states, do a residency and BAM you're a doctor- treat people with a little kindness- and if you don't know the ANSWER, then find someone who has some idea and give out a referal! Don't just come up with the first thing- which is always- lose weight- because that is your go to. I pay a lot of money for my health care- I expect to have a real idea of what service and satisfaction are supposed to be.

Wow- does that make me sound angry?( introspective moment here ppl- sorry ) Meh- if it does sound angry- then it is! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired- I have serious issues that aren't being address in a manner that they should be- F*CKERS! HAHA!

Well, this about concludes Laurel's rants and raves for the day-
Ciao!

I have a headahce.....

GAH!
My head hurts today, yuck- I hate this about my body- I have migraines when ever the hell my body decides it doesnt like me- I didnt eat cheese yesterday- or really much of anything else- it's just naggy and my eye is bothering me too- damnit! Oh well, at least I haven't progressed into full defect mode-

One of these days when it's really bad- ill post of photo of my face, cause I look like I should be painted by Picasso on the days that it's really bad and I am drooping lookin like a damn stroke victim-it's really rather scary- but I try to make light of my situation sometimes because it eases my already overworked- under paid brain.

Good news today is that my car is fixed- stupid transmission- oh well- good thing we were smart enough to get an extended warranty when we bought the car- EVERYONE should do that- it's a really good thing ( as Martha Stewart would say )

Thank god it's slow today at work- actually ( knock on wood ) it's been a great week thus far- better not say it out loud, or that will change in a damn hurry- one should never borrow trouble- as my mom likes to tell me ( hey- thanks mom! )

I am just all over the place today, aren't I? Well, that's how it works in my world, despite the head discomfort- I am on today- at least for right now... I see medication, food and a nap in my future!

Welcome to my crazy mind.....

Welcome....welcome.....

How does one begin a blog? That's a really good question- one that I will eventually find the answer to when I figure it out-

Well let's begin- who am I ?

I am Laurel, a self proclaimed crazy cat lady who lives in bright sunny California- I work hard and don't play often enough these days, funny how becoming an adult can do that to a girl. I am married- now that is something I never thought I wanted, until I met the right person- and it did take some time!

Marriage isn't a perfect entity- why are people arguing so much about what it really is? Everyone should be allowed to have the same headaches as the rest of us, why is equality such a big thing- well because it IS people! I don't know why religion has to intervene in peoples choices- whether or not you choose to love someone who is the same sex, it shouldn't matter. I know a lot of arguments come from the outdated ideals of what a marriage is- a man, a woman and children- but that's old news to me. Let people BE- for heavens sake it isn't up to small minded individuals to tell everyone else in the world what to do. If you love someone, and you want to commit your life and your EVERYTHING to that person- then do it! It isn't hurting anyone to let people have their freedom- isn't that what AMERICA is built on?

Sorry- just had to rant about that for a few moments- back to me :) I am feeling deliciously selfish and I want to talk about myself for a few more moments-

Where was I?- Ah, yes, I am a crazy cat lady, I love the color PINK, and I have a thing for flamingo birds. I don't have any crumb snatchers of my own yet ( though one day we hope to, cause it takes 2 people ) and I work a lot. I also have weird medical issues- such as sickening migraines- which if you follow this you'll all read about that a lot down the road. I am thinking that maybe telling the world about the things I go through will give me some sort of piece of mind and come to terms with the things that I don't have control over- this could be a great thing. This should be sufficient for an introduction into my world.. now where is the damn spell check so I don't look so stupid.....